ZION CARE LIFE AND FAMILY IMPACT FOUNDATION
1Cor. 7.20; Col. 4:17; John 15:16; Titus 2:1-8
Plot 4, Block 16, Federal Housing Estate, Apapa, Moniya, Ibadan
Vol. 1 ISSSUE 4
It is with great joy that we present to you the fourth edition of Zion Care Life and Family Impact Foundation formerly known as Pillar of Zion Family Life Ministries. The Vision of ZIONCLIFF has been broadened over the time to assume a global entity with various discussion on issues affecting life and Family, yet we maintain our mission of providing the most accessible and unlimited resources to build the dignity and quality of life of individuals and families while upholding the original pattern of God for marriage institution.
In this special edition, we bring to you various interesting topics. Our featured article is on SPOUSAL ATTITUDE THAT KILL MARRIAGE. There you will read various sins or behaviours that are harmful to the peace in homes.
Also, our Fruitful and Flourishing segment for the elderly has transformed into 21ST CENTURY PARENTING where we feature highlights from the SYMPOSIUM ON THE CHANGING ROLE OF GRANDPARENTS held on 13 December 2019. MARRIAGE RESEARCH segment is retained to help marriage ministers find out common issues in homes and prefer solution and this edition focuses on NATIONAL FAMILY POLICY as a panacea to solve intense social and marital crises in Nigeria amidst other discussion like SMART RULES FOR WOMEN AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. We also Gove you scriptures that ENSURE PEACE AND HARMONY IN HOMES.
ZIONCLIFF Publication is a light reading on contemporary Family Life matters and a good resource for teachers, women leaders, family/relationship experts, marriage counsellors, couples and Youth leaders.
We encourage you to follow us for more by visiting our website www.zioncliff.org and all our social media handles Facebook page: @Zioncliff.09;Twitter: ZioncareZ; IG: Zioncliff.outreach09; LinkedIn: @zioncareLife
We wish you a pleasant and blissful reading.
Samuel and Alaba Ehindero
For : ZIONCLIFF
To be the most accessible foundation with unlimited resources needed to bring marriage and family institution back to the original pattern of God thereby strengthening family values and building the dignity and life of individuals within the society.
- To provide regular expository teachings, discussions and interactions to strengthen homes in line with the word of God.
- To develop simple solution to complex family life problem through in depth research and divine wisdom.
- To advocate inclusiveness of marginalized households in national development.
- To provide best practice templates in family life system.
- To help adolescents from blended family achieve education and maintain healthy lifestyles.
- To strengthen women and girls, eliminate barriers to opportunity and empower youth with creative ideas needed to succeed.
- To partner and collaborate to organise conferences, symposia and workshops on family development matters.
To be a coordinating body for marriage and family counsellors, ministers and pastors.
SPOUSAL HARMFUL HABITS THAT KILL MARRIAGE
Have you stopped to think why are the seemingly little insignificant issues in marriage are causing divorce, separation or in the extreme death? Have you noticed that, there are some attitude we consider “not matter” but are threatening the peace and existence of marital relationship? How do we see our real self? The word of God is the only mirror through which we can see ourselves the exact way we are, many people in marriage have attitude that are capable of killing or damage their marriage because they do not weigh their actions With the word of God. With the help of the holy spirit, we have brought to you some SPOUSAL HARMFUL PRACRICES OR HABITS that we are not really paying attention to , but are seriously damaging our marital relationship. Here are few of them.
- MAXIMIZING MINOR OFFENCES AGAINST your spouse and seek to be the most offended or biggest victim. If you are playing the “victim” against your spouse, you are endangering your marriage. If you are not always objective in approaching issues, and you are the type that uses tears to draw sympathy to yourself against your spouse, you may be killing your marriage unaware. You need to change and get a strong mind to discuss issues rather than sentiments.
- TORMENTING OR BEATING YOUR SPOUSE TO SUBMISSION. It is no longer news that some women are also husband-beaters. Beating your wife to submission rather than loving her into it is a sure way of sending your marriage to the gallows. Same way if a wife beats her husband to loving her rather than submitting to him to enjoy his love. Eph. 5:21
- DELIBERATE SADNESS: Many women are fond of feigning sadness or suffering just to portrait their husbands as irresponsible, or talking in a way that will make other think your husband is not treating you well whereas it is not true, this will destroy your marriage gradually because your husband won’t be happy with you. Deliberately refusing to do things that can make you happy within your marriage is sinful habit before God. You need to repent and live joyfully with your spouse and create atmosphere of joy in your home. (Eccl. 9.9; Prov. 5:18-19).
- PROLONGED INCOMPATIBILITY: not making efforts to be compatible with your spouse after some years of Marriage, have been found to be among major causes of divorce and separation. You need to work out some completeness, shift your ground a little from the left, and a little from the right and strike a balance at the centre with your husband or wife, you need to work things out. Is your husband highly educated, make sure you complement him, you cannot be at the level of mediocrity and have lasting relationship with an highly educated or intelligent person. Enrol for continuing education programs, develop yourself. Does he or she likes to stay indoor? Even if you are the outgoing type, try and shift some ground to your spouse’s level and be compatible. Do you like a fashionable trendy man or woman?, and your spouse is far from measuring up to that level, you can you go extra mile and get the type of Men/women’s styles you like, buy it or introduce what you want to him or her. Does your spouse religious? Does he or she likes to spend time before God in prayer, you have to complement his or her efforts, don’t allow your incompatibility to stay too long. It can put your marriage at danger.
- DELIBERATE REFUSE TO MEET YOUR WIFE’S NEED. This concerns men and is an attitude that endangers marriage. Punishing wife with lackness has caused some women to go out to do the unthinkable because they needed some money to take care of themselves and children. Fathers or husbands who do this should know that their actions are another form of domestic abuse called economic or financial abuse of Women and it can kill marriage.
- PRIDE AND FRAUD: defrauding other people to take care of your family is like robbing Peter to pay Paul, and will soon backfire, Prov. 11:1-2. Are you a man, the head of family, and you are engaging in defrauding other people to take care of your wife and children, by the time you are caught, and prosecuted, you might not meet your home intact again. You must stay clear of any act of pride, anger, and fraud and protect your family from external attacks.
SPECIFIC HARMFUL HABITS OF HUSBANDS
- REFUSING RESPONSIBILITY: Husband is the head not by mouth but by responsibilities. As husband, you have to take responsibility for your family spiritually, physically, financially and emotionally. You should provide divine covering for your wife and children through prayer, some husbands have left the spiritual role for their wives, and in some cases, even physical and financial roles as well. Places of prayer are always full of Women taking more than 70% attendance, they are the ones to read the bible to the children and guide them daily. This shows that women are gradually taken over the spiritual covering of the family. This is not good for the self esteem of the man as God recognised the headship of man and that was why He asked “ Adam where art thou?” Refusing to take responsibility can cause problems in marriage.
- REFUSING TO BE MASCULINE: In 1Cor. 16:13; the Bible enjoined men to live like a man, act like a man, and think like a man. The moment a wife is left to do the thinking and acting in a home, the moment the man has lost his masculinity to her. Such relationship is abnormal and does not follow the injunction of God for marriage as the man will soon loose his position. Masculinity is being a man, be strong for your family, protect them, take decision that will benefit everyone. Every woman’s wish is to marry a REAL MAN.
- ADULTERY: Apart from physically committing adultery by sleeping with a man or woman outside your marriage, there is a new form of adultery that are destroying marriages today. It is called Emotional This is a form of adultery in the heart. Mat.5:28. Many are fallen victims and it is lust provoked by lustful magazines, careless closeness to co-workers, daughter of your friends; your housemaids; your step daughters, wives of friends, internet, images, movies, erotic songs, daydreaming, pornography, unclean thoughts about past relationships etc. Emotional affairs have wrecked many marriages so don’t let it do same to your own marriage, set a boundary and know when to say NO.
- HARSH BITTERNESS: 3:19-21: Harsh bitterness against your wife will cause tension in your home. Once bitterness is exhibited in the presence of your children, there will be division, children will form negative gangup or caucus with their mother against you the father. Or vice versa. This has serious implications for the future as this will registered into their memory and they can use it against the father in his old age. So many people had allowed bitterness to encroach into their Empty Nest as children are not taken care of them very well in their old age.
- REFUSING TO STUDY YOUR WIFE: 1Peter3:7: Refusing to study your wife as a man is harmful for your relationship. Men should study their wives, to know their weaknesses and strengths, and live with their wives with wisdom. Many men want their wives to study them, but they do not want to study their wives, this makes it one-sided and stressful for women in most cases.
- POOR PROVISION: 6.4: this includes the habit of not considering your family first when you have money. You always like to reserve the leftover for your wife and children. Poor provision is not making plans for your children future. No plan to leave good legacy or inheritance for them. (Prov. 13:22) . You must be a good man with good inheritance for your children. Apostle Paul in Eph. 6.4; 1Tim:5: 8 says that poor financial provision for ones family is tantamount to Apostacy and it has capacity to kill marriage too.
- LAZINESS AND UNNECESSARY EXCUSE: Any man indulging in Laziness will kill his marriage or hinder it from prospering. Prov. 10.4 says “ He who has a slack hand becomes poor but the hand of the diligent makes rich” similarly, constant excuse or complaints for getting a source of income to take care of your family will destroy joy and kill the marriage.
- PROVOKING YOUR CHILDREN TO WRATH: 6.4. Fathers who are fond of beating their wives in the presence of their children are provoking the children to wrath. Believe me, there is no child, that will be happy seeing his or her mother being molested by her husband. If the situation is not checked on time , those children will become angry and may defend their mother in great wrath against their father.
SPECIFIC HARMFUL HABITS OF WIVES
- THINKING AS FOOLISH WOMEN. Many men struggle with this as their wives cannot give good advice to them. Instead they are self centred and short sighted like Job’s wife. Job 2:9. Many husbands are turning to their friends, family, co-worker, church members and internet for advice because they couldn’t get it from home. You may be hurting your marriage if you are foolish. Ask God for wisdom. Prov 3: 13 -20
- LITTLE HELPER SYNDROME:1Cor. 11:11 Because you are created to support man does not mean you will not strive to improve yourself or contribute meaningfully to your family. Some women perform below their God’s given talent and bring in so little because they are suffering from Little Helper Syndrome. They stand on the premise of being help meet and therefore given in little contribution to help their family. Though women are to support men but that doesnt mean women should not strive to fulfil their own destinies. It is harmful practices for you to bury your destiny in your husband’s destiny. Donot just sit down at home and say…afterall, my husband is doing everything for me…my own is just to contribute little to it…” Today’s economic situation will not allow that.
- POOR SEXUAL RESPONSIVENESS:1 COR. 7.2: Poor sexual responsiveness on the part of Women has caused damage in many homes. Men by their nature are sexual beings, they cannot hold on for too long without sex. This is contrary with women who can stay for a while without sex. You need to improve your sexual responsiveness and do not give chance for your partner to go into infidelity or extra affairs that will eventually destroy your peaceful home.
- QUARELSOME WIVES: Prov. 19:13. A contentious wife is a pain in the neck for her husband. Some women cannot hold their peace when dealing with neighbours, or their husbands…they want to just say their minds…”but I just wanted him to hear my concerns, just one more time”. Inability to be quiet in the face of anger will damage the peace in your home.
- SPECIFIC HARMFUL HABITS OF CHILDREN
Because children also are part of a family, there are specific harmful habits you must not engage in as a child of the family.
- DISOBEDIENCE TO YOUR PARENT: 6.1-3: Children own it a duty to obey their parents in all things. Parents know more than children so it will be harmful for any child to refuse the counsel of his or her parent. Such a child may be inviting the wrath of God.
- CAUSING MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER: We have had cases of children causing division between their parents. Taking side or forming gangup again any of your parent is sinful and harmful for your generation. Your presence must bring joy and unity to the family not curse.
- BAD FRIENDS: Keeping bad friends, defrauding your parents, lying and wasting their effort upon you is harmful for your destiny. Some children will allow peer pressure to cause them behaving unruly towards their parents. Christian youths are courteous and focused.
- REFUSING TO SERVE THE LORD WITH YOUR PARENTS: If you are a youth , you must give your life to Christ and serve God with your time. Have eventful youthful life and seek the Kingdom of God first.
- TAKING DECISION ALONE: You must recognise their parenthood over your life. Some children are taking important decision such as marital choice and career alone, without the inputs of their parents. You must not do that.
COMMUNIQUE: CAN A NATIONAL FAMILY POLICY SOLVE NIGERIA’S INTENSE SOCIAL AND MARITAL CRISES?
COMMUNIQUE ISSUED AT THE END OF THE MAIDEN EDITION OF THE ANNUAL FAMILY LIFE CONFERENCE ORGANISED BY ZION CARE LIFE AND FAMILY AND IMPACT FOUNDATION (ZIONCLIFF) IN COMMEMORATION OF THE 2019 INTERNATIONAL DAY OF FAMILIES.
Zion Care Life And Family And Impact Foundation (ZIONCLIFF) in collaboration with Women’s Research and Documentation Centre (WORDOC) and Institute of French Research In Africa (IFRA) organised the 2019 International Day of Families Conference.
The conference took place at the Lady Bank Anthony Hall, University of Ibadan on the 15th of May, 2019 and was attended by professionals from various walks of life, representatives of civil society organisations , media practitioners, religious leaders, parents as well as students from several schools were also in attendance.
The theme of the conference was “Can A National Family Policy Solve Nigeria’s Intense Environmental and Social Crises” and it was curated from the United Nations theme “Families and Climate Action: Focus on SDG13”.
The main objective of the conference was to deliberate over the need for a national family policy and where it was concluded that is it necessary to have one, the contents and dynamics of the policy and its probable effect on the nation’s current environmental and social crises. The conversation was quite brilliant as robust arguments were canvassed, all in favour of the emergence of a national policy. The following observations and recommendations were subsequently made: